Two percent truth in feedback

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Not all feedback is easy to hear. Some of it stings because it's wrong. Some of it stings because it's right. And some of it stings because of who said it.

Another day of back-to-back meetings. In one of them, we were discussing a path forward for a project. The conversation circled around a direction we'd already tried, one that hadn't worked before. Given the time constraints and the decisions stacking up, it made sense to move forward rather than revisit old ground.

But instead of getting curious about why it was being raised again, I shut the conversation down. Directly.

Later, I got feedback that I'd been too direct and that a deeper discussion would have served the team better. I wasn't receptive—for two reasons. The person giving it already knew we'd tried that direction. We'd had that exact conversation before, and they were in the room when it happened. But this is the part I need to be honest about: I didn't respect the feedback because I didn't fully respect the person giving it. We didn't see eye to eye. Not on this, not on much else. So I dismissed it.

I brought it to my mentor in a coaching session, ready to defend my position. I wasn't wrong about the situation, and I didn't see why being direct was an issue. She didn't argue with me. She just asked two questions: Is there something about this that's true? And why is it triggering me?

Something shifted.

It wasn't about justification anymore. It was about facing what I'd been avoiding: the person delivering the feedback was exactly why I couldn't hear it. My defensiveness wasn't really about the feedback at all. It was about who it came from.

She had a line she came back to often: no matter how feedback is delivered, there's always a 2% truth in it. But when feedback stings, when it triggers us, that's precisely when we need to look closest. Because the sting itself is telling us something.

She was right. The 2% truth was that I allowed my frustration to control my reaction. I didn't model the type of leadership I value. My preferred path would be to be curious and ask clarifying questions that guide the conversation. Maybe there was something I missed. Maybe other team members would have stepped into a leadership role had I let the discussion continue.

Feedback is a form of growth, regardless of where it comes from or what it contains. But it requires something from us: openness and a genuine growth mindset. It's easy to stay open when feedback comes from someone you respect, or when you already agree with the message.

The real work happens when the source makes you defensive. When the person delivering it rubs you the wrong way. When you fundamentally disagree.

That's when openness and curiosity matter most. It's the difference between dismissing feedback and extracting the two percent truth from it. That willingness to look closer, even when it stings, is where real growth lives.

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